Online Therapy for People Pleasing and Relationship Anxiety in North Carolina & Virginia
You spend so much time making sure everyone else feels seen, heard, and understood. But who does that for you?
You may be surrounded by people who love you, yet still feel alone and misunderstood. You've become so accustomed to putting everyone else's feelings first that you've lost touch with your own.
Therapy can help you reconnect with yourself, trust your feelings, and build relationships where you feel genuinely known and loved.
What if you did not have to choose between the people you deeply love and yourself?
You know how to care for people. You’re the first one to text to ask ‘how are you,’ you show up for the school events, the games, the happy hours, and remember the birthdays and make the plans. You notice when someone is uncomfortable. So you provide a safe space, you swiftly change the subject, say a funny joke. You anticipate what they might need. You physically show up, buy a small gift, make a meal, and name the emotions. You understand where they're coming from—sometimes before they've even explained it. You have a strong intuition and big heart.
Someone you love seems upset, and immediately you're scanning the conversation. Oh no, did I say something wrong? They're probably upset with me. Maybe I'm overreacting. I don't want to make this into a big thing.
Maybe your chest tightens. Your stomach drops. Your throat closes. Maybe your mind goes completely blank. You know that you're “supposed” to communicate, but your body is saying: GET OUT.
So you go quiet. You simply Agree. Change the subject. Explain away your feelings. Focus on what the other person needs. And tell yourself, “It's not that important.”
Maybe you've gotten very good at saying: “Whatever you want is fine.” “I understand.” “Don't worry about me.” “It's okay.”
And one decision at a time, you find yourself disappear from your own relationships. The confusing part is that the rest of your life may look pretty good.
You go to work. You show up. You take care of people. You can be funny, competent, successful, attractive, thoughtful, generous—and incredibly compassionate toward everyone except yourself.
People may genuinely love you. But sometimes you still wonder:
“I'm loved, but am I actually known?”
And underneath that may be an even scarier question:
“What if I go through my entire life never experiencing the kind of love and connection I give to everyone else?”
But when someone asks, “What do YOU want?” your mind goes blank. You may know in your mind that you need firmer and better boundaries, more honest communication, or more self-compassion. You may understand exactly where your patterns come from. Maybe you have even done some previous work on yourself. And yet, knowing hasn't been enough to change them.
Because the deeper question isn't simply, “How do I stop people-pleasing?”
The question really is.. How do I stay connected to myself when someone else is unhappy with me? How do I disappoint someone without believing I am the one who has done something wrong? How do I share my truth when every part of me wants to keep the peace? How do I let someone really know me when I've spent so long becoming who everyone else needs me to be?
Does any of this sounds familiar?
You Don't Need Another Person Telling You What You “Should” Do
You may already know what you should do.
You should set the boundary.
You should speak up.
You should stop overthinking.
You should put yourself first.
You should communicate.
The problem is that when the moment actually comes, something inside you takes over.
Hi, I'm Victoria McKenna. I help loving adults understand the gap between knowing what they need and actually feeling safe enough to live it.
We'll begin by looking at the full picture—not only what happened while you were growing up, but the relationships and experiences that helped shape how you learned to understand yourself and other people.
I'll listen for the story you already know intellectually and for what happens emotionally and in your body when you tell it.
We'll pay attention to the ways you cope, the way you speak to yourself, and the striking difference that can exist between the compassion you offer everyone else and the judgment you turn inward.
We won't stop at understanding the pattern.
We'll work toward helping that understanding become something you can actually use—in your body, your choices, your relationships, and your life.
And in our sessions, you don't have to take care of me.
You don't have to anticipate what I need or make sure I'm okay.
For once, you get to drop all of the caring you do for everyone else and allow your needs to be tended to.
Let’s make room for you and schedule a consultation
Imagine Being Able to Stay With Yourself and Honor Your Needs
Imagine someone you love being disappointed with you—and instead of immediately changing your mind, you can notice the discomfort and still ask yourself:
“What is true for me?”
Imagine being able to say no without spending the rest of the night replaying the conversation.
To be able to disagree without assuming the relationship is in danger. To notice what you're feeling before automatically minimizing it and telling yourself it is nothing. To have a need without apologizing for having one. To let someone see your preferences, disappointment, anger, uncertainty, tenderness, and vulnerability instead of offering them the carefully filtered and curated version of you.
Over time, you may begin to discover:
I can choose myself AND remain loving.
I can have boundaries and compassion.
I can disappoint someone and still be a good person.
I can have needs and still be generous.
I can love someone without abandoning myself.
That is the kind of self-trust that can make deeper connection within yourself and with others- possible. Let’s take the first step toward feeling more understood and schedule a consultation.
You might be thinking.. but I already understand why I do this.
Maybe you've been to therapy before.
Maybe you've exercised, journaled, talked to friends, researched, read self-help books, learned coping skills, practiced breathing exercises, or had the satisfying “Oh my God, THAT'S why I do this” realization.
And then six weeks later, you're right back in the same pattern.
That can be incredibly frustrating!
You may start wondering, “Why do I understand what I need to do but still can't seem to do it?”
My work pays attention to that gap.
We'll explore how earlier experiences may still show up in your current relationships, while also noticing what happens with your emotions and in your body—not just what you can explain intellectually.
We may use mindfulness practices and cognitive, emotional, and body-based skills when they're useful. But the goal isn't to hand you another list of things you should be doing correctly.
Our relationship matters, too.
I work to create a compassionate, deep therapeutic relationship where you can begin experiencing something different: being cared for without earning that care by being easy, useful, agreeable, or “fine.”
You may also be thinking and wondering..
“What if I let myself feel my feelings and I can't get back out?”
That fear makes a lot of sense when you've spent years trying to make uncomfortable feelings stop. You may never have had the experience of allowing an emotion to move all the way through your body. We don't have to force that process. We can approach difficult feelings slowly and intentionally, paying attention to what you can tolerate rather than assuming that more emotion, faster, is somehow better.
“What if I get overwhelmed or don't know what to do with my emotions?”
You don't have to arrive knowing what to do with them. Part of our work can be learning how to notice an emotion, understand what it's communicating, experience it safely, and discover that you don't necessarily have to fix it or make it disappear.
“What if I don't do therapy right?”
That thought may sound familiar if you're accustomed to monitoring yourself, trying to meet expectations, or worrying about disappointing other people. Therapy is not another place where you need to perform correctly for someone else.
“I'm functioning. Other people have it worse. Is my problem really bad enough to justify paying for therapy?”
You don't have to be in crisis for something to matter. And if spending money on yourself brings up “Am I really worth this?”—that may tell us something important, too.
“What if I spend the money and nothing changes?”
That's a real concern, particularly if you've already tried things that didn't stick. No therapist can promise an outcome. What I can offer is work that looks beyond simply giving you more information and instead pays attention to the emotional, cognitive, relational, and embodied parts of the patterns you want to change.
Compassionate Support for Lasting Change
You deserve a therapist who brings both experience and genuine compassion to our work together.
Colleagues have described me:
“Victoria is extremely warm, genuine, compassionate and insightful.”
“She is a helper with a calming energy and I would recommend her to anyone.”
My work combines careful attention to the patterns you've carried with you, genuine compassion for why those patterns developed, and a focus on helping you create changes that reach beyond intellectual insight.
You don't need to arrive already knowing exactly what you feel or exactly what you need.
Figuring that out can be part of the work.
My goal is to offer a relationship where you feel cared for as we work toward changes that extend beyond simply understanding your patterns and solidifying last change.